"If you marry do not take ..."

In polls about love - what can be more difficult and more interesting? There are even questions from those who met in the life of a loved one. For those who have not met, more questions. Here are just some of them. Who asks them? The girl who was never bored alone, but which finally matured and thought about whether she would continue to live alone, and if not, how and where to seek that close man with whom a new life will begin in his own happy family? Of course, you have our own ambiguities and anxiety, and maybe some of your questions coincide with mine. In any case, it becomes easier if there is someone who can be set.

Some say: "You need to hope and wait, love will come." Others say: "We should not wait for mercies from nature. Love needs to look and conquer! Do this! You can!" And in the middle you are standing and look like in the well, in the unknown. Where is he - the person with whom love will come, children, happiness with which will be warm and reliably all his life? Unknown. Does he ever come to wait uselessly it? Unknown. Is this this wine that there is still no love? How to figure it out?

There is an Eastern saying: when the student is ready, the teacher comes. It is appropriate for many life situations, including marriage issues. The desire to marry is nothing but the desire to be happy, to be realized as a mother, live in spiritual warmth and comfort, give your love. You must first raise the right attitude towards marriage and, on this tune, the right thoughts configure your inner world, your soul. It makes sense to go to himself, to become better, so that the potential husband was as happy as possible, and the rest to give to the will of God. It may happen that the Lord has other thoughts about you, a different share has been cooked. It will be seen from the circumstances of life, and with this it will be necessary to accept. But if your share is common and the husband is provided for you, and you cannot arrange a personal life, then perhaps it is because you are not ready.

I agree that it is difficult to wait, and uncertainty is tormented. But this is from the discharge of the inevitable, so please accept my sympathy and sincere participation. This is the lot of all daughters Eva.

Everyone around is married, and you are not. Questions of parents are added to the internal issues: "Will we ever have grandchildren or not?" Familiar: "Well, how are you? How is a personal life? Let's tell! " Odnoklassniki: "So I did not meet anyone? Well, yes, of course, with whom it is not necessary ... "you are respected, or regret. You also know that time, as they say, goes, and with her that is inability, or with the unwillingness to get married you put your friends in a dead end, become some kind of "uncomfortable." So walk alone, as if no one chose you, the figure is untold. So, there is something wrong in you, and they (men) feel it! Is it true that I am this the smallest and God does not want someone born from me?

No you are "fruitless fig tree." I believe that once in your heart was born the most holy desire for a woman - give birth, then the master of the world and the owner of our life will give you the opportunity to realize this desire. Do not eat yourself and try to establish an inner distance between sobody and the army of compassionate benevolent. All these lovers to face and fuck the tongue in fact only stretch the soul and add suffering. Just do not pay attention. Everyone has their own life and their cross, respectively, every one of his worries is enough.

It is necessary to pray that God indicates your chosen one (choices), but how to pray about it? What if God does not want me to have a family? What if I am not gouring for a family or God prepared for me some other calling? Or praying for what you want, you need to anyway?

Hardened prayer is experiencing a degree of desire. It happens that you pray for a long time and come to the inner question: do I need it? This means that you prayed to open this depth on which the need has disappeared. If such a desire does not disappear, it means that it is really the need for the whole of your life. Continue to bother the Lord as an authorized widow (LK. 18, 2-5) And do not forget to finish prayer with the words: "Not as I want, but like you."

Suppose you met and between you have something, from what you want to run through the streets with oharies of flowers, smile to sellers in the store, help old men and children. What do Christians do in this situation? Can a Christian afford just to fall in love? Or is it too frivolous?

Kuraev often quotes, as he says, the theologian Winnie Pooh. I dare to quote the turtle Tortilla:

Young friend, always be young ...
... Cry and laugh in the nefple.
I myself was like that
Three hundred years ago.

Hold on hands, kiss for health, do not cross the known borders not only threatening premature pregnancy, but also just corrupting person. I agree, the question is thin and escaping from a clear definition. But you can try to find a space for the natural tenderness that does not turn into sin.

Blud condemns for the fact that he is a forn. No one really explains what his danger is: why we certainly need to be marred, create a family and give birth, give birth, give birth to children, instead of living for some time "so" and understand, we are good together or not? After all, it is better to figure out at once, what to give any life to be together, and then part?

Love is considered the most beautiful thing that is on earth, but the love of a Christian seems to impose more obligations on him than he gives pleasure. So, love is also a hard work? Why create a family, if it is not joy, and hopeless work?

First, it is impossible to oppose joy and work. Work and work is also synonyms for joy. Believe that the Christian ideal present in your soul does not prevent you from living with the completeness of married relationships and feel their exceptional joy. Of course, marriage not only worst, but also burdens; Not only gives the right, but also obliges. But since all this is holy, inside and not hard, and not alien to joy.

Love Romeo and Juliet - Romantic Love - For a Christian Nachone? How does the church refer to what is called romantics?

We are very much suffering from the disappearance of romantic relationships, from the availability and openness to the whole world of the female body, from early awareness of the secrets of the floor, from cynicism and landing, which people are infected at the age of mantle boys. Someone from the writers seems to be Flaubert, said that the longer the woman is desirable, the longer the courtroom lasts, the longer and stronger in marriage it is loved. Alternative to romanticism is, unfortunately, only the realism, which in practice turns out to be cynicism. Therefore, I am for a romantic renaissance in a relationship between a man and a woman.

P. S.As questions came from the side of the beautiful half of humanity, I want to say goodbye: Cute unmarried girls, do not dilute and do not twist. Think about marriage as your sacred mission and get ready for him, cleaning and sanctifying the Christian life and arming with all useful everyday skills. Pray to God hard. You will have husbands and children. Chin up! And yes there will be a blessing of the Lord.

Anna asks: "Why does God not send me a good boyfriend's boyfriend? What am I doing wrong? ... disappointed"

Hello Anna!

Thanks for the question. This question is relevant and many girls ask about it: one out loud, others in their heart. And not only girls !!! And young men, guys, mature unmarried men appeal to the Lord: "Well, where is she, Lord, the faithful girlfriend of my dream, the meaning of my life and my works ...?"

I want to tell you, nice Anna that the Lord hears your prayers. And he answers her. I wrote "answers" in the present time ...

The Lord has a plan for your life (and everyone's life!), He has a project that he wants to fulfill with your help, the Lord prepares you to fulfill this plan. This plan can be the whole, in a certain way, lived life. And maybe only a moment, and the Lord prepares you all my life so that you correctly decided, made the right choice in this very moment. Satellite of life can save you or destroy, can be help and protection or burden and real disappointment.

The Lord is very interested in creating "his families." This is a territory where two people are looking for the persons of the Lord, where there is a desire of the Lord himself and his strength, this is a mini-church. For, where two or three are collected in my name, there I am in the midst of them. Maybe it will be your family that should stand on his side lately what it would not be worth it. Or maybe you will become parents and breadwinners of such a child ...

How does the Lord respond to our prayer relative to life satellite? He prepares you and his meeting with each other. The Lord has already found him for you. And maybe he is now praying for you ... And so, the Lord looks at you two, how do you learn from him the lessons that he sends you, what conclusions do, how to assimilate the material, how appropriate for the meeting at every stage ... - This is called "Preparation", "Reply to Prayer", "Pre-Clearing Gold from Slags." Then the time will come when the Lord will launch a program called "Meeting" ...

My thoughts are not your thoughts nor your paths - my paths, says the Lord.
But as the sky above the ground, so my ways are above your ways, and my thoughts are above your thoughts.
Like the rain and the snow descends from the sky and there is not returning there, but I will get out of the ground and makes it a capable of nervous and toned so that she gives the seed to those who sow, and the bread to those who eat, -
so my word, which comes from my mouth, is not returned to me in vain, but it comes to what I want, and makes what I sent him.

The Lord is not late for a second, he will not distinguish gold on fire, all that he does - at the highest level!

What you need doto become "his family"? Trust Him... Take a decision in your heart to be on his side ... On the knee, maybe in tears, say that you want your life only by his will and that only you trust ... Speak sincerely, for yourself, because God sees everything and it is impossible to hide something from him.

The one who has not spared his son, but betrayed him for all of us, how does it not give to him and everything?

Can you trust?

What can really do? Do not run into the little things. If this is not that - look for what you need. Use all good accessible methods to search. The Lord can use this when running the "Meeting" program. Focus on the man itself, and not what he possesses.

And further. Be vigilant, since the enemy does not sleep and can on the eve of putting your options to you. Pray, look for the will of God. Read the Bible and especially how the families described in it were created, to which attention was paid.

chapter.

And what if not? If I want answers to my prayers more than God in my life? And if I start, but I will not get to the end? And if I don't choose "that yourself", but "pruded"? There may be different bad options. Corrected and incorrigible. You can just fall from a special plan. You can lose the eternal life. You can have time to fix something or do not have time ...

Attempted on Good Earth means hearing the word and a gap, which is fruitless, so that other brings the fruit of a hundred times, sometimes at sixty, and other thirty.

(1 h) I was looking for a man who would put the wall
And it would be before me in the break ...

God's blessings.

Read more on the topic "House and family, marriage":

"Relmir" publishes another attempt to answer - Elena from St. Petersburg. Recall that the woman asked to help her find a way to accept the cross of loneliness.

Dear Elena!

I read on the website of "Lemale", and it took me deeply touched and responded in my heart to the sharp desire to help you and find the word of consolation for you and, perhaps, explaining your destiny that you are looking for. The consolation is not powdered, but of the one that gives the impulse of comprehension and overcoming, the impulse is not conservation, but movement. And although you are waiting for the answer, first of all, from the priest, I decided not to restrain my impulse and write to you.

Avoiding standard responses

In his letter you are talking about what you cannot understand the relationship between your chaste behavior and the lack of love and family in the life. You look at your girlfriends and colleagues who have all this, and ask God: "For what?" After all, punish you, it seems, and nothing.

You say that you can't understand the idea of \u200b\u200bGod about yourself, notice that for those years that you lived, you could have been tenth times, as it happens with your friends. "Who needs my misfortune?" - You ask. And rightly notice that none of the "standard" Orthodox answers from the series "By sins", "This is your cross", etc. It is not suitable for explaining your condition. Indeed, the standard is not the key with which you can explain the inexplicable.

Refuse pity

Let's let the pragmatists and begin with the fact that you will stop allowing yourself the luxury of the subjunctive rings in the style "But I could have been in those years that I live, more than once to become my mother."

Such designs, in my opinion, are very malicious and destructive, because by simulating our life in our imagination, the only thing they do is put on pity - our pity for yourself. They cherish it, jeep it, squeeze the tears perfectly and meaninglessly.

The design "I could become my mother" makes sense only in one case - when a woman could really become a mother, but did not become her on his own will, that is, he committed an abortion. And then she is not allowed to pity himself, and to mourn their sin before God and the killed child, that is, bring repentance.

If you get up again for yourself and your bitter fate, then such a retrospective will be useless. Anyway, this is not your case - an abortion you, to great happiness, did not. Therefore, for you such appeals to the non-existent happiness - pure water masochism and a self-impaired, from which you need to immediately refuse, banning this thoroughly enter your heart. It is necessary to abandon the bitter pleasure that this thoughtlessness delivers.

Paradox, but to refuse to enjoy pain not much easier than from enjoying pleasure and happiness. This may be the reason why we are constantly returned to this. We regret ourselves because too love themselves, we think too much about yourself, you pay too much attention, we will immediately tell around our own axis and your "unfortunate" Ya. We, our ego, consisting, including from our desires - This is our favorite stumbling block, which we all stumble all the time.

The design "I could already become a mother" (millionaire, great actress, etc.) - she is also quite bare. Listen, those girls or boys who were born with disabilities and lie, chained to bed or a wheelchair, could also be good mothers and fathers, but no hope - no disfect.

And those who died in childhood or adolescence from illness or accident could also. And my bridegroom, with whom we did not have a relationship, too, maybe I could have been the Father at the moment, but it was so happened that he was killed, and he did not. People suffering from infertility that lost reproductive health due to certain operations, could also ...

Do you understand all the absurdity of such buildings?

We ourselves do not know how much we will live, and what will happen tomorrow. We, it seems, we live with church life, but how our life is not a church, but in general, recruitment, remember only in the days of severe tests when the danger approaches it to really lose. On the other days, I prefer to grieve about unfulfilled happiness.

Do not confuse paradise with reality

You as the unnaturalness of your lonely position give the words of the Lord, who said Adam and Eve: fruit and multiply, and inhabit the land. But let's not forget that these words were told by our forefathers in paradise, and it was before the sin.

This is how it should have been, this is the idea of \u200b\u200bGod about a person and about the relationship of a man and a woman. But since then, the world "a little" has changed, everything went "a little bit" wrong. And now it is very naive to wait that everyone will just be fine.

We will easily be revealed with the fact that you are not fine with others, but for some reason you think that this should not touch us.

I have familiar couples where husband and wife, the bride and the bride are suitable for a very friend. Looking at them, I am very happy, because all the pity shutters and envy, as the holy fathers teach us, you can chop on the root of confession and a courageous ban, and then they just stop bothering.

The main thing is not to try to assign this joy to yourself. Do not compare yourself with anyone and someone else's fate to try on yourself. There is no identical person and the same destinies. God we have such completely alone, and about each of us he has their own design.

Trust "blindly"

You say: how to understand this idea? This is a very interesting question. It often seems to us that if we suddenly learned why God arranged everything like that, and not otherwise, for which he "punishes us" and what he behaves, what he wants from us and what methods intend to achieve this, then we would immediately go They understood and calmed down.

We would be roughly clear, in what direction to move, what to want from life, and why not want, what to spend efforts, and what is not worth trying to try. Here is the idea - here is the way, there are no more questions ...

Over time, I realized that this is also another very funny design. So it will not be. Nobody will offer us such information about us on a saucer, except for the fortune teller. And not in this information case.

The fact is to give up the will of God, this will, not knowing what is called "blindly". To trust him, how the child trusts his parents, without unnecessary reasoning, without questioning, and what will happen to me and where are you, Lord, do you, but if it will be fine there, right there, right there I will be happy and is not very hurt there. And most importantly - without a unwell "for what?"

This question is one of the wrong. It is pointless to weigh their sins on the scales of Divine Justice and to understand to understand, but if I deserve this "Goruschko" or do not come with me "not on the concepts"?

You say that you have special sins, thank God, no. But the fact is that the lack of sins is not yet a reason for happiness, but their presence is for its absence. Not everything is so linear. The Lord is not a constitutional court. And not the Hague tribunal. This is a lively Supreme Person, which is better known to know what to do with us and our lives to bring us to yourself.

Whatever we are sinless in terms of external actions, this in itself is still not enough to drive us into something completely new, in those new people who are able to enter the kingdom of heaven.

"Gods are" - said the Lord about us, meaning our divine potency. And what are we in your current state of gods? And will they become them if we are extremely calm and happy in your earthly life?

When Archangel Gabriel told the Mother of God that she would soon be the mother of the Savior of the Savior of Human and It would happen to the way that I had the earthly nature, she thought, was not very good to imagine what it was happening to her and why, and how much it would cost it . She did not appreciate and did not reason. She simply agreed, regardless of the consequences. "Being a slave of the Lord, let me be for your word."

Is it easy for her? Was her feeling that she just lies on the water and swims by the flow of the Divine Will or the feeling was more like when you enter the ice water when it seems that you know what you die? We do not know that.

In any case, there was an obscurity ahead, except happiness, drowned and "weapons", which should pass her soul, but the consent was still given. Similarly, we must take an example from the Virgin and will definitely agree to everyone. We should not be afraid of possible pain, should not run from her.

All this does not mean that happiness is that ordinary earthly happiness, which we are so dreaming, no. But only abandoning the chase incessant behind him, you can become truly happy.

"CE, the groom is coming ..."

The Lord gives us a husband not only so that we were happy with him, but first of all, so that we understand something important through it and learned something. And he gives a child, too, not to fry our pride and a sense of female usefulness, but that we can feel another line of Divine Love through this child.

Similarly, the absence of a husband and child can be a means of feeling this love. Only this will happen not indirectly, but what is called directly.

Perhaps I am mistaken, but it seems to me that when a woman has a husband, her relationship with God add up differently. A significant part of the Energy of Love is leaving the husband, if he is beloved, takes a significant part in the female heart, it will be fully belonging to him. A woman who does not have a husband has a chance to give himself to God, as if her bridegroom or at least just more towards him towards him.

You say that you are not a monastic warehouse - this is not important in this case. If the Lord does not give you anyone, it means that he himself at this particular point in time is waiting for a meeting with you and does not want to share you with anyone. And it would be very rampant this moment not to take advantage.

After all, it often happens to us that we live with church life for years, we do not commit any particularly heavy sins and in this state we are imperceptibly preserved. And then suddenly it turns out that God is calling us at all towards other tops, and we are hopelessly behind ...

Do you ask how to accept women's loneliness? How to stop wanting to marry? But when we find the strength (and this, including the question of a volitional effort) and make this spiritual high-quality jerk, then suddenly understand that there is no "female loneliness". How no loneliness is male. That there is no loneliness at all. This is a myth invented by people who do not know what they are capable of.

No need sharp movements

You can still insist on what is created for simple female happiness, and such an alliance scares you with God. But the fact is that everyone is one of us to such an alliance in one way or another, regardless of gender and marital status. Anyway, we must love the first place of God, and then a husband and children.

Because the time will come, when the husband and the children will take away from us, and we will stay one on one with those who created us and who created our grooms, husbands and children. And our heart should not be tied to them more than to it. It should not be strong, before despondency, sadness from the fact that the Lord does not give us something less than he himself, because in return for this smaller he is always ready to give us. And the more of this gift is unlikely to be something.

So you want - you do not want, and you have to learn.

You suffer because you share the opinion that the Lord defined us only two ways - or family life, or monastic. And you do not belong to any other. Meanwhile, I am sure that such an artificial separation of people into two main categories strongly reality simplifies.

Life shows that each of us the Lord leads to themselves as a special way. And there are no screen trajectories on this path as there are no age limitations. Your future husband can be found at any age and at any age take the monastic stop. And you can live and some third way, if it is the path that is pleasing to God.

And I do not see any need to make some sharp rapid movements on this path.

It would be a complete failure to go to the monastery only because of the failed personal life, without feeling for this special vocation. In the same way, it would be madness hysterically to marry himself only on the basis of a "nemonash warehouse". We ourselves do not know what kind of warehouse we are. The Lord knows.

You say, trying to comprehend your plight that even Nick Vuily has a wife and children, although he is without hands and without legs! This fact is really a stunning, testifying to the infinite grace of God to all of us and to everyone individually. But I read Nick, and you know what I understood? The fact that without a wife and son he could do the same as he did without hands and without legs. And just like this happy.

So we need to learn to be happy, no matter what. Not in order to turn it into a kind of deal, not with the thought that when we learn this, then God for us exactly someone will send, but solely for the sake of himself.

You write that you do not lose hope and never cease to pray that the Lord gives you the groom. But maybe it is still worth praying for this to stop? Maybe you should forget about your dream, at least for a while? It is possible that one of the ways to marry - stop it desperately want. And it can really be what happens then when you forget about it. As Nick Vuychich says, let God act in your life. Let be this is Will comes to you.

Freedom ... from mom?

Perhaps someone accuse me in calls to passive things, but it seems to me that this is a much more productive way than convulsive attempts to change your life with some external actions. For example, some psychoanalysts advise lonely girls wishing to find a satellite, start with mother-in-law.

I understand that psychoanalysts are based on, when they say that Mother's scenario and mother's parent egoism can take over us, Eric Bern told us about it in detail. But you know, I do not believe that your mother, Elena, Makhrovaya Egoist. Most likely, she just loves you and wishes you good. And she would certainly be happy if you had the groom.

I do not believe that our very trouble is climbing you with you "Grooms chopping". I also do not believe that you are a dependent person, independent. Your description of your own life completely refutes. I do not think that the "female fluid" path depends on whether one lady lives or not alone. Men can be attracted completely regardless of it.

I think that it makes sense to live separately from Mom, if you are going to say, "bring home grooms" in the hope that all this will turn into marriage or in an unexpected pregnancy. But you are not going to do this.

Our independence does not depend on finding with us under one roof of parents. Especially if parents are already old, and they need care and care. Become, excuse me for the expression, a monad, as a respected Olga Gumanova advises, it is possible, and without dividing the parents. And on the contrary, living separately and even coming out married, it can not become her.

I know the girls who have long lived separately from their mothers and terribly with them depend on their installations and from their children's offense, which can not overcome and forgive. Their moms are still controlled and have a tremendous influence on them, from which they constantly and unsuccessfully try to free themselves. Instead of relaxing and allowing my mom to manage. Why not, if she is so calmer?

It seems to me that with mothers you need to not tear the connection with all the forces of your soul. Mom must just regret. Freedom is not to resist, freedom is to resolve and succumb to humble and give up. This is a truly adult position, and resistance and riot is the position of the teenager, besides, not confident. "Freedom to parrots!" - We have already passed, we will not step on these rakes.

We are still very connected with our moms. We are flesh from their flesh. You can leave, go, run away to another planet and still remain the daughter of your mother. And there is no terrible inevitability in it, so conceived by God, and it means that there must be a certain benefit.

As Klyiv Staiplz Lewis says, psychoanalysis should know his place. It can be used as a certain crutch, but it is not necessary to issue this crutch for the only way of movement. Trying to measure the fishery of God with the help of psychoanalysis - it is likely that with the help of the toolkit infusoria-shoes try to know the deity.

Naively think that all this time God did not give Elena Groom for only the reason that she lives with her mother. And that everything will completely change, as soon as she leaves from Mom.

You can try separately from my mother, especially if the circumstances allow. You can take many more different efforts - to change the wardrobe, buy cosmetics, start actively smiling to men in case of this there were any problems.

But you need to understand that it can all work, and may not work. You can spend a bunch of money on the rent of the apartment and live, refusing to yourself in the most needed. And the groom is never found. There are no guarantees ...

In short, you can go on the way to change your life circumstances, and you can, without changing circumstances, try to change the most. The case of taste, but the last path seems to me more productive.

It can be output

And one more thing I want to tell you, dear Elena. You mentioned that you would like to adopt the child, but you can't do it, because your mother is against this idea, and you can not go to her, because the apartment in which you live, belong to her.

I think not to reckon with mom is wrong, no matter whose apartment. The receiving child should not make a disorder in the family, he must combine it. But the Lord can over time so to arrange the heart of your mother, that she will not only stop resist your desire to adopt the child, but it will begin to wait for this child. But for this, you should definitely decide everything for yourself and ask God to help you.

Adopting and educate a reception child seems to me much more important and exciting than to give birth to your own. Because your child is not yet, but these kids are already there, and they have no mom. So why don't you help each other? The point is quite a godly.

The desire to give birth to your child is associated with the maternal instinct on the one hand, and with the fear of death, with the desire to consolidate his life and continue on the other. The child's desire to adopt is associated with the need to love and share love, regardless of the biological component. And this is much more valuable before God.

But whether we have our own children or others, or there will be no one, whether the Lord will give her husband or will insist on the notorious loneliness, our main task is to learn to love it with all our hearts, all the mind and thinking. Moreover, this there is no limit to study, and there is no such degree of intimacy that could not grow into even more intimacy if we want it.

Well, what are the grooms? And let the groom just appeal. Since they want so much ...

Marriage is a very serious step! We, when they quarrel with parents, do not think that we need to look for new ones. That's husband (wife) should be a native person. One and for life! The main thing is not to be mistaken in the choice.

Many constantly ask themselves the question "I can't meet my love and I on the verge ..." How can I find my wife? When will I meet a guy with whom I connect my life forever? These questions are so often asked by young (and not very) people. Ask, reflect on, pray ...

And the answer is very simple: God will give us a person for marriage when will prepare us for marriage! Of course, we can choose, make a decision and, not much spending time on learning each other, get married, but the further fate of such marriages is unpredictable. Moreover, if suddenly then problems will begin in family life, we will certainly be accused of this, except for themselves.

"Why? - you ask. - Didn't God promise to take care of us and did not give us freedom of choice? Don't you need to believe that he will give us everything you need for life and piety? " Yes of course. But a key point - it is God who should give, and it is by faith! This means that if we want a person from God, we must trust God to the end. Yes, of course, to be sociable, friendly, have friends and communicate with the opposite sex. But with all this, God's clear leadership.

It is important for us to believe God! And believe before the victorious end. Store yourself - and keep to the end, for the only man who will become the closest and relatives - forever. There is a big difference: to be friendly or build eyes to every counter guy, in the hope that it will pay attention; Be careful or to fuck from the first, second, fifth girl!

I can not meet my love. What to do?

So, the most important question for a person who wants to marry, it sounds like this: ready (a) do you marry (get married)? Note: N.want, but ready (A.)… What is the difference? You can want a person who does not have any intelligible idea what is marriage, family and what role in it (she) will be performed. Be prepared - means to be able to build relationships that "never stop" clearly understand what a marriage is and what responsibilities in it you will have to bear.

First thing worth paying attention - this isas we come to choosing a wife or husband. If you judge by external data, by how much money has a person or by the fact that the person is fun and interesting in the company - believe me, in the family you will be disappointed. Why? Yes, because what is good for friendship and communication can be absolutely useless for the family. My familiar sister for a long time I liked bright, charming guys who could be beautiful and clever to speak people. But for no hope, they just as beautiful and cleverly told her to love his wife, and it could easily offend or forget this promise. While she did not meet a brother, who did not know how to speak so beautifully, but who surrounded care and attention and thanks to which she survived sincere and loving relationships.

So remember God will work on the future wife (her husband). His task - teach you to see! So when you meet a decent person cooked for you by God, you could learn him. That is why all other relationships may be unsuccessful. Failure is the experience of how it should not be ...

People jump from extremes to extremes and burn in relationships. At school and at the Institute, we are taught to all anything but not how to build a strong family. How girls and guys are arranged. How to love and be loved. Do not teach the person came to you and his qualities, and appearance, and what is very important - helped grow spiritually. If a person has the same values \u200b\u200bas you mean, you will understand each other, and you can be close. If you have similar views on life and on how your future should be, - it means you will be happy and you will be able to go hand in hand all my life. If you both have love, willingness to give up and the desire to build strong relationships - congratulations, soon in the world on one married couple will become more.

"Stop, Stop, Stop! - I hear some of you will tell, - Why complicate everything? I have a favorite guy, how to forget it ??? We believe that we will have a family" Love is good. But let's look at what love is. Remember how it is written in 1 Cor. 13: "Love long-sighted, merciful ... not looking for his ..." Are we ready to love this way?

After all, love is a position to give, not to take. And marriage is far from alone rights, but also duties.

God has a plan for our life. He wishes us all the best, that is why he will work on our ideas about marriage. Each of us has certain expectations from marriage: "He will serve me coffee in bed," "She will run to each my word", "We will do together", "We will never quarrel how others do" ... all It is fine, but far from reality. And the greater we have expectations or, let's say, the rainbow idea of \u200b\u200bthe future marriage, the greater we are waiting for disappointment. ...

Until we understandThat true love is the sacrificial, God will not send us the "our" person, because we will spoil everything yourself. Imagine two egoists, each of which hopes that the other will make it (her) happy (oh), and if this does not happen, it is disappointed and do not know what to do with these relationships ... And now let's try to understand thatfamily is a place where everyone is called to give . This is the place where we serve a man (woman), whom (s) love. And the place where God will hone our character, change us. Every time I am confronted with some difficulty in relationships with your beloved (oh), it is important for us to show sensitivity, patience and wisdom, and not demand them from the other.

The most important words We read about the relationship between your husband and wife we \u200b\u200bread in Eph. 5: 22-25. It says here: "Wives, obey their husbands as the Lord ... Husbands, love your wives, like Christ loved the church and betrayed himself." So why should wives obey (elsewhere it is written - "obey") husbands, and not obliged to love? What things and to what limits to obey? And why does husbands seem to be deprived of this beautiful privilege - to be loved? I have a hurry to assure you: No, God does not deprive the right to love and be loved, and does not put anyone in full of another person! But, like any place of Scripture, it is necessary to consider in the light of the other words of the Bible. And in John 15:12 the words of Christ are addressed to all: "... yes love each other, as I loved you" (see also 1 John 4: 7, Tita 2: 4), and in 1 Peter 2:17 Read: "Watch everyone" (see also Phillip. 2: 3). So God wants to tell us in Eph. 5: 22-25? This Scripture reflects not just the command of God, but also the basic needs of a man and a woman.

They are different . For a man, the most important respect, obedience ("obedience"), and for a woman - tenderness, care. An important principle: we need to give each other what is needed by another. Try to grow in it. And even if you have no husband yet (wife), learn now to behave in relation to the representatives of the opposite sex, given their needs.

Since the needs and abilities attached by God in men and women are different, the roles of her husband and wife in the family will be different. There are many wonderful books on this topic, read necessarily at least one of them. "So I'm not married yet (not married)," you say, "Why do I need to read books about marriage?" Then why people are studying for 4-6 years to become a doctor, a lawyer or manager. Because that day, when you are called to a seriously sick patient, or in the courtroom ... Or you will meet as newlyweds after the first marriage night in the kitchen, you will only help the knowledge that you purchased before.

"What if you need a wife, and God does not give"

Dear brother, remember Another important principle: the wife does not fulfill your entire need for significance, and it will not always be delicious to cook and perfectly follow the house. Dear sister: Husband does not fulfill all your emotional needs. He can't do it. He will not always understand you, can be too busy or tired, or even absolutely free, but still it is not able to give you all what you need ... Because he is just an imperfect person ... Neither a husband, no wife are called Fill all our needs, fill out all our loneliness. It can only make the Lord. And in our heart there will always be a place, some emptiness that only he can fill.

That is why the expression "second half" is wrong. As if we can be something complete, personality, only if they connect with their "half". But the truth is thatwe must find yourself in God and become a person before marriage! Marriage will not fulfill all our needs. Let's wisely read Genesis 2:24: "And there will be one flesh." Michael Pitts in one of his books leads an example of scrambled eggs. When you want to cook the scrambled eggs out of two eggs, you do not take the swollen, dubious quality eggs and do not hope that of them do delicious food? You take two fresh full-fledged eggs - and then what is obtained as a result of their unity - scrambled eggs - it will be good. The same with the family.

So that this "single flesh", that is, the family was strong and brought joy,dedote the time while you are alone, preparation for marriage! Then the fact that you will bring to it (your part of the scrambled eggs) will be really good and blessing for the family. Girls, learn to prepare and keep a household, believe me, it will be very important for your future family. Guys, look for decent work so that you can provide a family financially. And everyone needs to not be lazy, but to work on his character, so that love, and sacrifice, and the ability to give way to have become your natural qualities. You can purchase these qualities with God's help, when you ask him to help and seek to grow spiritually.

And of course,the most basic thing is to ask God, he gives his wife and whom he intended you in life satellites. Look for his leadership. "Do not take anything about anything, but always in prayer and past, open your desires before God ..." (Philip. 4: 6). And he will give a meeting with that man who, according to his basic qualities, will correspond to you, with whom you will be happy and you can live all my life together. You can learn this person on 2 factors: firstly, you inside should be an internal testimony that it is (some call this testimony by revelation from God) and the world on the heart; Secondly, your relationship will be completed successfully, you will see the device. And if the second factor may not always be present, then without the first factor, it is not necessary to marry.

The second important point - communicate. You must have enough familiar, including the opposite sex. Because it is - and the skills of communicating and building relationships, and the opportunity to meet the "His" person. Of course, God can give you and a random meeting with a believer sister (brother), say, in the store, but you dramatically limit your chances to create a family, if you do not show friendliness and you will not have a circle of communication.Request To the guys - do not be afraid to take the initiative if someone really like you. And the girls are a big request - to discard, show your interest, because the guys do not know how to read your thoughts. And appeal to both: if at the moment you are not interested in anyone, still express friendliness to others, still show your best human qualities, it is really very important.

And in conclusion, if you really want a husband (wife) from God, have patience and do not run through trifles. And God will definitely bless you, because it loves and no less than us wants to create a strong and happy family!

Hello, Father Andrei. The spouse and spouse sends God. How to understand that the man is the same, sent by God, and not undergoing, who breaks life (now there is such a lot)? What is most important to pay attention when choosing a spouse. What should alert and become an obvious sign that it is not that ...

Hello, Father Andrei. The spouse and spouse sends God. How to understand that the man is the same, sent by God, and not undergoing, who breaks life (now there is such a lot)? What is most important to pay attention when choosing a spouse. What should alert and become a clear sign that this is not the man. I look forward to getting from you.

Elena writes: "Hello, Father Andrei! The spouse and spouse sends God. How to understand that a man is the same, sent by God, not a passing, which will break his life? What is the most important thing to pay attention when choosing a spouse? What should alert, become a clear sign that this is not the man? "

Replies Archpriest Andrei Tkachev:
"Now I will try to tell you a few things that seem to me with reference criteria." He must be hardworking. If he does not like to work, then it will be an Alphonse that will be lying on the sofa, and you will serve, obstum it and feed it. He must be hardworking! He should not put you in the bed at the first acquaintance. That is, he should not give will his hands and, in general, in every way to demand from you the only thing that you need a man, who has nothing special for the soul. He must take care of you and should wait for a woman to meet a man to meet a man, - will reveal to him in confidence - seeing not male, and a friend, defender, her husband. That is, it should not be brazenly lustful. Well, of course, there should be no alcoholic, drug addict and the game! That is, he should not be killed passions - such as alcoholism, drug addiction and gymnia. If he is a player away from him! This is not the person. If he is alkash - away from him! - You will not cure it. If he is a narcologist away from him! - It will hell! If he wants on the first date to have you, as a woman, - away from him! - This is nothing! This animal. Well, if he does not work, but he wants something ... You know, usually lazy want the whole world in a pocket to put! They have the dream of the soul to disgrace. They all want and do nothing. "What, I will work for these 25 thousand? I am a talented person! I'm half a little! " Do you understand? If this is such a schmuck, then also away from him! That is - a hardworking, honest man who respects you, as a woman, and does not have bad habits. Perhaps this is a person with whom you can build your life. This is the minimum below which there is no place to descend. This is my opinion.