Colleagues treat the question to the priest badly. How to build relationships in a team? Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers
Lyudmila, Ukraine
How to behave in a team at work, where fasting is not observed?
Forgive me, holy father, and bless me! Father, help me figure out how to behave in a post in a team at work. Fasting is not observed here, but I have to hide the fact that I do not eat anything fast, with difficulty (especially as meat eaters, on Wednesdays and Fridays). If during Great Lent practically nothing needs to be explained, then it is difficult for me to become a meat-eater. Let me explain why: on Friday, the collective often finds reasons to celebrate something with the setting of tables and alcoholic beverages. Whenever possible, I refuse, but there are situations when this cannot be done. For example, the last time I was on a business trip in another city. People accepted us and, in honor of our acquaintance with them, set a table (and this was done by a very poor woman, but with sincere sympathy for us). It was Friday, I was sitting and thinking what to answer, when everyone began to pay attention to me and ask why I didn't eat. I decided, so as not to look like a “Pharisee,” to eat the piece of shawarma offered to me. Father, tell me, please, have I seriously sinned? I always want to talk every minute about God, about His commandments, but I notice that many still unchurched people comment on this with jokes and jokes, so I am already afraid to say something about faith, so that people, out of ignorance, do not speak sinful speeches. I am afraid of vanity (my own) if I emphasize that I am trying to observe the fasts. After all, the Lord commanded us to fast before the Heavenly Father, and not before people. On the other hand, breaking the fast is cowardice and gluttony. Honest father, what should I do in such situations, in your opinion? Save Christ!
Lyudmila! You have chosen the path of unswerving observance of the fasts established in the Church. It is a necessary means of salvation, but there will always be temptations along the way. But do not be afraid, be faithful to the Lord and the chosen narrow path. This is how the Holy Scripture says:
My son! if you begin to serve the Lord God, prepare your soul for temptation (Sire. 2: 1-2).
And the apostle Paul says that
from sorrow comes patience, from patience experience, from experience hope, and hope does not shame (Rom. 5: 3-4).
Each of us, who studied at a secular university or worked in a secular job, faced similar difficulties. True, it is easier for men in this sense: all questions were removed at the stage of acquaintance, when the reason for wearing a beard was explained. Everything else was no longer puzzling. Yes, there could be ridicule, jokes, etc., but in the end, most people respect the strictness of the ordinances of their faith. Here you are talking about pharisaism. Pharisaism is not in the fact that people know that we are fasting or praying, but in hypocrisy, in the fact that a person does everything for show for the sake of human glory. Do you have it? Think, are you not tempting other people with your cowardice when you break the fast?
When the cases described by you arise, you need to meekly and lovingly explain that today is a fast day, so and so, you do not need to be upset because of me, do something. As a rule, people are understanding. Here we must also be prepared for the fact that people will start asking questions about faith, about the meaning of fasts, and it is important to correctly answer them. By the way, if you yourself clearly know what you are fasting for, then it will be much easier for you to observe fasting yourself and to respond to the widespread objection to fasting (they say, it will not defile a person that enters the mouth, that, they say, the main thing " God is in the soul ”, etc.).
And for those who allow themselves sinful speech, one must pray in their souls: “ Lord, forgive them, they don't know what they are doing". It seems to me that this is not the worst behavior. It is worse when a person is generally indifferent to everything. And remember, inevitable rejection always causes if a person is exalted by his piety and looks down on everyone, with condemnation. This is already Pharisaism and such a fast is not pleasing to God.
May the Lord strengthen you.
Reader's question:
Good day! I work in a team and cannot find a common language with people. The thought already comes that, probably, I myself am doing something wrong. The new manager accused me of deliberately leaving on sick leave with my child and shirking work. I try to work in what I think is right and fair. Of course, a small child is sick and I need to take care of him. I tried to explain the situation, but received a bunch of accusations in response. Now he doesn't greet me.
If I don’t like something and there are questions, I try to say about it and solve everything. Of course, not swearing, but for some reason my point of view is not always accepted positively, and this brings alienation, although I try not to offend anyone. And the worst thing is that I absolutely do not want to establish relations with the team where I work. It seems to me that these people are alien to me. How can I be? Although I try to calm myself down, in my heart I worry that people have a bad opinion of me.
Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers:
Dear reader, your situation is one of those that cannot be solved on the Internet, here you need to come and talk personally with a priest and a psychologist, because a letter alone is not enough, you need a serious conversation and serious work on yourself. Not in the sense that you are worse than someone, but in the sense that, since you feel bad and uncomfortable, it means that you need to change something in yourself or in relation to what is happening. And this is better done under the guidance of a priest and a psychologist. I would now draw your attention to the fact that you are too worried about the opinion of others. Do not. Understand why it is so important to you, what do you expect from the team, in addition to effective professional interaction and why you expect it in the team, although, in principle, you should look for this in your family, relatives, friends, and so on.
So come to the temple and see a specialist, it should help a lot.
As a recommendation, I can advise you to seek help from the Center for Crisis Psychology at the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semyonovskaya (Moscow), it is located next to the Semyonovskaya metro station. There are highly professional Orthodox psychologists who have already helped thousands of people.
Help is provided to adults and children, members of any religious confessions, those of little faith, doubters and atheists.
If you have a difficult financial situation, then in no case should this stop you from receiving psychological help at the Center. Donations to the center are determined only by your capabilities and gratitude. The provision of assistance in the Center has nothing to do with the donation amount (or its complete absence).
Please help with advice. I can't figure out what's going on with me.
Since the New Year, I seem to have been replaced. I have a very difficult job emotionally. I work as the head of the project management department. And this, as always, is unrealistic terms for which the management "signs". Money is always clamped in the organization and our "owner" is not very honest in this respect.
I have a decent salary thanks to my supervisor who was my friend and dragged me along. I was always caring for my employees, trying to get some financial motivation from the management for them. In the end, it so happened that I had a fight with my boss friend, he "demonized" me, thought of something for himself and said that work is work,
but we won't have any personal relationship anymore. So he also began to simultaneously pursue his own business, which is not related to the main job. And he called all my employees with him, without me. I tried 4 times to talk, explained everything.
He can't hear me. As a result, I am alone against the whole team, employees do not consider me and their main job is not very interesting to them. So you have to choose or "drag" everything alone or treat everything "negligently". And I do not like being "negligent".
As a result, my working day turned into "sitting out" until the evening, joyfully coming home, spending an hour with my family and over and over and over again.
For half a year I have been in a state of some kind of depression, in the morning I have been shaking. Everything is bad, nothing will work out, etc. It seems that the nervous system has exhausted itself and can no longer resist these constant problems.
Because For 4 years, all I have been doing is solving some constantly unexpected problems.
Or maybe my whole gut says that I'm not in the place where I need to be.
I don't want anything, I don't want to go to this job.
But at home I have a wife who does not work and is not going to work. We have a child and another one will be born soon. I understand everything, despondency is bad, it's a sin to complain about your life, you have to accept everything as it is, rejoice at what you have, I am happy, but I want to give up everything and run without looking back. For some reason, the strength to resist all this is no longer left.
You should probably choose either peace of mind or a well-paid job. It doesn't happen together.
I even have an offer, but I’m afraid that I’ll lose more than I gain, I don’t really trust the person who offered me this job. Maybe I did something wrong in my life, I behave incorrectly in the Church and in relation to others I decided for myself to go to Communion once a month, I read all morning and evening prayers, I pray to Spiridon Trimifuntsky, Sergius of Radonezh, Matrona, I use my
means to help others.
You did the right thing, that you began to solve your problem through spiritual development. By frequent temple attendance and participation in the ordinances of the Church, you will prepare your soul to make decisions about not only work, but the whole way of life.
At first glance, yes. In Paradise, Adam and Eve work, although this is a special work that is not associated with negative experiences. “And the Lord God took the man whom he had created, and put him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and keep it” (Gen. 2:15). After the Fall, labor becomes something of an educational tool: work hard and, as they say, feel the difference ...Now nothing is given to a person for free. Everything that provides the body with nourishment, warmth and comfort is obtained by strenuous effort. Over time, a culture of labor, the poetics of labor, emerged. Labor out of a curse and a heavy burden acquires the meaning of a positive value, because a person owes it his survival.
They point to the psychological and ethical value of labor - “labor ennobles”. In conditions when a person does not need to work, he is soon drawn into apathy and laziness. An example of an ethical paradox is “hard work”. It is not easy to work well; it is good and right to love work. Here it is, the image of man as a moral being who finds satisfaction in the very drama of life, in self-overcoming.
In the philosophy of the Stoics and in Christian ascetic practices, labor is a spiritual means. Together with prayer, he purifies the soul and raises to the truth, to God. “Love work,” taught the Monk Anthony the Great, “it, combined with fasting, prayer and vigilance, will free you from all defilements. Physical labor brings purity to the heart; purity of heart causes the soul to bear fruit. "
We find a completely different image in modern times: labor as a way for a person to prove self-sufficiency. Damage penetrates into the concept of work, labor pathos develops into the pathos of affirming one's "I", submission to the forces of nature. In the Protestant morality of prosperity, peoples work in the interests of the bourgeoisie; Marxist theory makes great human efforts to build an ideological colossus. Is it good for a Christian under these conditions to work hard? The results of the work are alienated, falling into the piggy bank by no means of a God-pleasing nature. The prototype of this has already been in history: the construction of the Tower of Babel.
Is it right to work a lot today, at a time when we no longer invent perpetuum mobile and erect Korchagin's bright tomorrow? Work is a new "our everything", the principle of the simplest and most convenient organization in time and space. Convenient, but for whom and why?
Every day, for a long time in my yard, my grandmother walked with her granddaughter. The baby was still very small. Mom, a young lady I knew, rarely appeared. “It works, the load is big,” explained the grandmother and sighed, as it were, sympathetically. This was followed by complaints about the high cost of living, stories about a good place as an accountant in the firm and her daughter's abilities, because of which she was appreciated by her superiors.
Over time, while the little girl got to her feet and learned to pronounce phrases, plastic flashed in the windows of the apartment, and the movers removed the kitchen set and household appliances from the furniture van and lifted upstairs. Grandma has changed. On walks, she looked like an expert, spoke decorously and into the nose, as if involuntarily condescending to colleagues in the walking shop.
- Something you can't see, - I threw one day running past the accountant, - your lovely daughter is growing.
- Yes, - she answered, - a lot of work, I sit in the evenings.
- What are you doing? Are you building communism? - I teased.
- No, - she laughed, without penetrating, however, into the irony, - Now the annual report, and before that the tax. In general, my head is spinning ...
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The latter - the opportunity to spend time at home - was an argument and a very weighty one. Just think, these days it can be terrifying: half the time in the house! Communication with children, lessons, household chores, cleaning, cooking, dishes ... The main advantage of work is just that you don't have to think about anything else. I'm at work and - basta! I am doing what everyone else is doing.
Do you think why it is so difficult for us to have children? Where did all the problems with the school come from? And why, even in frosty January, the old skis remain pushed to the depth of the mezzanine? And why does parish life freeze with Sunday leave? Correctly. This is because all the things mentioned are extremely harmful and contraindicated:
a) for work;
b) to rest after it.
I'm not going to downplay the value of social labor and paint pastorals. The impulse of a scientist and designer is wonderful, the service of a doctor and teacher is full of nobility. The author of these lines himself probably would not have done much without professional hobby, so the candle in a lonely window sometimes does not go out until morning. However, "work" as a phenomenon of social consciousness, as a sociological marker, is something special. The predominant self-identification by gender, profession, and official position has been repeatedly noted by sociologists. "Work" is the center and the bond; a place through which, as through a symbolic umbilical cord, a modern person is attached to life, perceives reality, exchanges energies with it. "Work" crowds home, family and friends from among life's priorities. Modern man calculates the proportions of life from "work" as a basic category; outside of referring himself to a specific vacancy, he feels himself amazed, disoriented, standing as if outside the existing world order.
In practice, the shift in emphasis looks like a family from the provinces in search of work is ready to leave for the capital, in a perspective full of risks, but does not solve the issue of employment in their small homeland in one way or another, relying on the habitable place and established connections. There are frequent examples when in families not experiencing financial difficulties, a woman goes to work, justifying this with one or another reason. Although the real reason is simple: without work you don't know what to do ... In his own home, on his territory, our contemporary is unable to fully develop his soul, to feel himself in the role of a responsible person, creator and owner. The home role cannot be put on a par with the service one. Who am I in the house? A cooker and a scrubber? Nail hammer and plumber? And there I am - the head of the department! Comparisons, as they say, are unnecessary ...
What is fraught with such a situation and why is it impossible to be satisfied with the way in which the issues of earnings and employment are being resolved at the moment?
The first the unacceptable is, of course, "self-identification through work". It is sad to see when the worldly table of ranks is carried over to the church reality. Willy-nilly, we get used to the fact that a person who comes to the temple in an expensive car is considered more prosperous and fulfilled than many. Willy-nilly, in the company of fellows, we omit the talk of faith and prefer mundane topics in which work and gain are central.
Second, which should be alarming, concerns the role of "work" as a universal substitute for other types of activity - church activity, spiritual-ascetic, cognitive (only interested in what relates to special professional types of knowledge), pedagogical (there is no desire to engage in education and generally devote time to children ), house-building, community, artisan, helping (I don't want to master skills, take part in types of activities and assignments outside of the working "functional"). Rarely does a person think about service and the work of life. Feeling a taste for a career, the Orthodox, alas, stopped looking for special paths, and began to simply “go to work,” content with a general feeling of employment and material opportunities.
It would be strange for the Church to object to the pursuit of greater prosperity. In each example, you will be tortured to explain: what is harmful to the soul of replacing worn-out Zhiguli cars with a brand new foreign car. Perhaps, there is nothing reprehensible in the change of "Zhiguli" when we have a clear idea of \u200b\u200bChristian life, and life in the family, the church community is full, developed in various activities and relationships. There are no two opinions about what to consider the main, and what is auxiliary, secondary. But since the way of Christian life is blurred, and the pressure of the world is growing, the desire for earnings and acquisitions means secularization and a rollback to the mass perception of the world.
Will we be able to get out of the vicious circle of earnings and consumption, to give the word "labor" a non-economic meaning? Will the Orthodox community be able to defend its own vision of life, to preserve an uncommon facial expression? The fruitless Sisyphean labor according to the general stereotype, for the sake of status, entertainment or appeasement of the approaching consumer stress, hardly corresponds to Christian principles. It is good for a Christian to work hard, but let this work be manifold. After all, it is necessary to work not only at the workplace, but also in the family, in the parish, in friendly relations. And work on yourself is also work and a lot.
I get annoyed with my colleague all the time! How to coexist together 8 hours at work?
The Holy Fathers teach us that, first of all, the root of sin must be sought in ourselves; if we are irritated, then perhaps something else would irritate us elsewhere. The Lord sends you communication with your colleague so that you see passion in yourself, because, perhaps, without communication with her, you would not have known about the existence of this passion in you. In many ways, you yourself answered your own question - try to politely avoid idle conversations. Watch what you say and try to work harder at work, and most importantly, earnestly repent of your sins and sincerely pray for the salvation of your colleague's soul. God help you! Priest Alexander Ilyashenko
I answered politely and restrainedly to the questions of a colleague from another region. But when she left, she said that I was very rude to her and when I got sick, I would remember her. What should I do? Katerina.
Dear Kate! Sometimes, when communicating with other people, we ourselves, unwittingly and without noticing, say something that may seem offensive to the interlocutor, or our intonation will seem, for example, somewhat arrogant. As F.I. Tyutchev: “We are not able to predict how our word will respond ...” In order to overcome this conflict, pray for the health of your colleague.
To I am constantly nagging one employee ... I moved to a new place of work (I am a secretary) and faced with the fact that one employee constantly nags at me: shouts, does not give a word to say, insults? Julia.
Dear Julia! First of all, try to figure out when your employee is making a fair comment to you, and try to improve. This is the most straightforward part of your task. The second harder is learning to forgive. As the French say, "Small gifts strengthen friendships." Try to take some steps forward. Pray to the Mother of God for the salvation of her soul.
God help you, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Can you do business in business with people of other faiths? Among my partners there are people who wear the cross, they have Orthodox icons in their offices, but at the same time they often talk about the higher matter, who is open or closed to whom. Can I do business with them in business? Pavel
In my opinion, it is possible to work with people professing a different faith. Our Christian example and our Christian life should have a positive influence on the people around us, for we are called to be distinguished by spiritual nobility and sacrifice. priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Wouldn't it be a sin to make a living by opening a game room (slot machines)? .. Dmitry.
Hello Dimitri!
Certainly, for a Christian, “gambling” is an unworthy, sinful deed. It is built on deceiving people, on the exploitation of their base, sinful passions. Try to find a different, maybe less profitable, but healthy type of activity. God help you find a job worthy of an honest person, priest Alexander Ilyashenko
How to start a business? I reach a certain point in the development of my business, and problems begin - everything stalls, people scatter, the number of transactions falls, debts, problems, and showdowns begin.
Hello, you have probably confused the Church of Christ with a school of managers. The Lord saves from sin and death every person who wants to be with Him. And in what social state we are saved from a spiritual point of view, it is not so important. Yes, and "it is difficult for a rich man to enter Paradise." However, if you fulfill the will of God: “Love your neighbor as yourself”, then there will be less “showdowns”, and the people will “scatter” only in case of extreme need and with tears in their eyes. If God wants you to be a successful businessman, then you will. Just remember that those who do His will are pleasing to Him.
God help you, priest Dimitri Lin
I am a manager and I am unhappy with this job. Maybe look for something other? I work in commerce, but I am even more dissatisfied. a completely different level of relationships in the team. There is absolutely no respect for employees, only a consumer attitude, as for a labor force. Therefore, I am in constant irritation, waiting for changes for the better ... Lydia.
Lida, all our failures, as well as successes, are our handiwork. First, we need to learn to take responsibility upon ourselves, and not expect from others that they will create some conditions for us. We cannot change the others. And ourselves, if we want, we can.
God help you, priest Mikhail Nemnonov
How to relate to a colleague at work, if he lives life in the temple to such an extent that he doesn't even care about work. Helena.
Dear Elena!
Treat, in any case, you need to be good. Your question is complex: if a colleague does not fulfill his work and obligations, then undoubtedly he is doing the wrong thing, neglecting the work. Indeed, the Holy Scripture says "Work the Lord with fear." Therefore, it is the duty of an Orthodox person to carry out one's duties at work and do it well.
On the other hand, if your colleague, while doing his job, keeps aloof from idle conversations and discussions, which, it is no secret, often take up a significant part of the working day, if the inner church is more important to him than work, then this is a matter of the inner world of a person. And it is joyful that in our world, where people sometimes have no other values \u200b\u200band ideals besides material ones, there are people for whom faith is dear.
Best regards, Priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Can an Orthodox Christian work on Sunday?
Peace to you!
If not for the sake of profit, but out of duty (like a doctor, clergyman, soldier, policeman, etc.), for the general benefit or for good, then undoubtedly it can. Other cases can give conscience cause for embarrassment. However, the main thing is not to commit sinful acts on Sunday: “shy away from evil and do good”.
Best regards, Priest Alexy Kolosov
How does it feel about making Sunday a working day? What should be done in this case?
You need to treat it with regret. His Holiness the Patriarch has more than once appealed to the authorities of our country so that they seek to avoid such transfers of the sacred Sunday for Christians, making it a working day. And, unfortunately, they have not yet responded properly, which we see in December 2002, in particular. I think that a Christian, in the event that he has any opportunity, to move and supplement Sunday by taking a day off, taken in advance, a short vacation or something else, should try to do this, because Sunday is a holy day. If he does not have this opportunity, then maybe he can go to the temple, where there is an early service. In many Moscow churches there are services at 7 and 10 o'clock on Sunday morning. You can catch somewhere for a seven-hour service for someone who does not have to go to work strictly by 9. Well, if there is no such possibility, then at least after praying more and more attentively at home, knowing that there is no other way out, go to work to fulfill your official duty. Archpriest Maxim Kozlov
I work as a chief accountant, and at the same time I am registered in a neuropsychiatric dispensary. I would like to change jobs, but I can’t do anything else ?!
First of all, it is worth remembering that constant simplification of the type of activity does not solve anything. Cope with God's help? Cope further - if it is completely unbearable, then it will be clear not by your inner self-awareness, but by the situation itself: pray and the Lord will give you strength.
As for apathy ("the desire to do something has disappeared ..."), then ... we often lose the desire for this or that, but we have to force ourselves - so do you: tear yourself off the Internet, wake up and work. Most likely, this is the relaxation that comes from cowardice. How to deal with it? Regular confession and the Communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ break the devil's net. In addition, if you have a confessor or priest whom you trust, then talk to him about the possibility of Unction - sometimes this sacrament destroys those bonds that are hidden in the depths of the soul and are not visible to the mind.
Peace and blessings of God to you! Priest Alexy Kolosov
My family is opening their own company, what would you advise to call it? Ksenia.
Dear Oksana!
It is not so important which name you choose for the company. It is much more important to start a business with God's blessing, so I advise you to serve a prayer service for the beginning of a good deed. In relations with employees, partners, and even competitors, be guided by the principle "do not do to another what you do not wish for yourself."
God help you! Priest Alexander Ilyashenko
Can an Orthodox woman work in a leadership position? I am a university teacher, I am married and have two sons. Irina.
Dear Irina!
An Orthodox woman can hold a leading position, but she should not forget that she is a woman, has a family, children, who need to be given attention, that she needs to lead at work, and in a family - to obey her husband.
Respectfully,
priest Alexander Ilyashenko
In the book "Detailed Confession" I did not find a sin in the profession of an actor, although I heard many times that this is a sinful occupation. Is this profession always sinful? Or, if the roles are not god-repugnant (witches, etc.), but only serve to eradicate vices, then this is not a sin? What should I do if I have to work in the theater and this is my only profession?Svetlana
Dear Svetlana, you can talk about this in different ways. Indeed, in itself in the profession of an actor there is something difficult for a believer to participate in it. Whatever one may say, dressing up a disguise, which everyone involved in this profession has to face, is not a morally neutral thing at all. But this is not directly inadmissible, but participation in such performances, productions, which from the Christian point of view are morally unacceptable. If you manage to combine your profession with non-participation in what is corrupting, morally offensive, attracting a person to vice or to sticking to the empty and vulgar, then you can engage in this profession. But if the current theater becomes such that it is virtually impossible, then perhaps one can think about it.
Archpriest Maxim Kozlov.
